Welcome to The Unfortunate Dating Service
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This is a great place to find desperate singles just ready to stalk you date you. Scroll on down and see if you could have found your SOULMATE with The Unfortunate Dating Service. A phone number is listed for each of these lovely singles. If you wish to persue a relationship with one of the lucky men or women below, just dial their number and our operators will schedule a meeting.

First two minutes are free. Callers subject to charges of $10.00 a minute for every minute after the first two. Operators may not always be available because they are assisting other callers, please try your call again if you recieve a busy signal or are put on hold.

Meet the available men and women waiting for your call!

To date Harry, call 1-Sasqwatch69

Name: Harry Mandlesqwotch

Age: Prefers not to disclose

Likes: children, walks in the dead of night, Will and Grace, sushi, tennis, hand sanitizer, Advil and his llama, Tina.

Dislikes: yes

What do you look for in a woman? "I like women with very short hair and large feet. They have to like camping and Gigli. She has to have children. I love playing with young children."

What would make women want to date you? "I am a sensitive guy with a big heart. I am looking for someone to share my 1 room apartment with. I am great with kids and I will rub her large, sexy feet any time she wants."

To date Britney, call 1-23-Deceased

Name: Britney Turner Updike

Age: 111

Likes: Tae Kwon Do, Silvester Stalone movies, Contact lens solution, chocolate wasps, floppy disks, Broccoli/peanut butter/fried pig knees soaked in Thosand Island/Ranch dressing, sex toys

Dislikes: Envelopes, band-aids, Vanilla Coke, Northerners, minimizer bras, Microsoft, Harry Connick Jr.

What do you look for in a man? "I like 'em young an' wrigglin. They gotta have a spunky personality and a cute toosh. I want me one a' them college boys that likes to party all the time and get 10 kinds of nasty."

What would make men want to date you? "Well, I give a great gum job."

To date Chester, call 1-800-MexiCANT

Name: Chester Lupe` Dickerson

Age: 37 1/2

Likes: His dog Lola, Mr. Ed, Prunes, Open heart surgery, Legends of theFall, Martha Stewart's Home Lifestyle Guide, waffel irons, cheese curls, Pears and onions, Mr. Holland's Opus

Dislikes: Red heads, apples, his Jailhouse tattoo (24601), coffee mugs, Anna Nicole, "men who stand in the urinal RIGHT next to mine when there is an open one farther down."

What do you look for in a woman? "She can't have been in jail. No false arms or nuthin and no man in disguises, either."

What would make a woman want to date you? "I can make a MEAN taco. And I'll let her have THIS burrito ANYTIME she wants."

To date Kyo, call 1-UglyJRocker

Name: Kyo

Occupation: Lead singer of the JRock band Dir En Gay, uh Grey

Age: "I am immortal."

Likes: Blood, crosses, permanent markers, bobby pins, jelly beans, wearing two different colored contacts, sewage plants, soaking tampons in red Kool-Aid and leaving them around, eye crust in the morning, Sweedish

Dislikes: Photo editing programs, toe nails, sneezing, cottage cheese, hand sanitizer

What do you look for in a woman? "......" Kyo left no comment for this question

What would make a woman want to date you? "I will drink their blood and make them and immortal, like myself. Bow down to your god."

To date Murdoc, call 1-800-Satanist

Name: Murdoc Niccals

Occupation: Bassist for British Rock band Gorillaz

Age: 35+

Likes: Satan, GIRLS, fat-bottomed girls, abusing the lead singer of his band, ciggerattes, alcohol, his trashy RV, Salad Fingers

Dislikes: 2D, animals, girls who whine, ugly girls, old people, Russel getting crumbs all over the place, turtles, Jello, caterpillars

What do you look for in a woman? "No ugly girls. I hate ugly girls. Ah, hell. It don't matter if they're ugly. You know, a paper bag can do wonders for some people. And if I'm drunk enough, I won't remember in the morning anyway."

What would make a woman want to date you? "My incredibly sexy body and my RV. They can come there when they wanna shag....but I don't want them showing up randomly. I hate it when they do that and I have some other girl over. Call in advance and make sure I'm alone before you just show up."